insight by Topper Quinn

A Guy Who Loves Women

It was finally Saturday and I was heading over to my buddy Bob's house in my '67 Chevy. The old clunker was on it's last legs, belching smoke and stopping tentatively at each light and stop sign. My life lone buddy Bob had agreed to spend the morning helping me find new wheels. My bank account demanded that I scour the used car lots looking for a bargain that was sporty, but reliable above all else. Bob was a guy who always had grease under his nails, knew cars inside-out and was glad to share the info with his friends. Since I am just about the opposite when it comes to vehicular conveyances, I was hoping that good ol' Bob would save me from buying a lemon.

I wound up in the middle of something that fateful Saturday that changed my ideas about man-woman relationships forever. But then, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. As I approached Bob's front door and before I could ring the doorbell, I could hear the shouting coming from inside. It was obviously Bob and his wife Shiela arguing. Bob had married Sheila, his high school sweetheart, as soon as they graduated from Garfield High School. Sheila was a real catch, head cheerleader and a stone fox. Four years later they had two kids and one on the way. No time waster, this Bob. But back to my story.

Little did I realize, at the time, that their argument was over me and my Saturday plans for Sheila's Bob. Ringing the bell, I stood back as if to glance off any potential blows upon the opening of the front door. It was Bob who answered and he was visibly shaken. This was not a good time to come a callin'. He sheepishly closed the door behind him and corralled me on the front porch. "I gotta postpone, man. I promised Sheila I would clean out the garage and today is the day." I could see Sheila through the window and she didn't look any too happy. She had turned into a real shrew!

It was a defining moment. One where many seemingly irrelevant observations converge into something solid and understandable. A little truth. Here was my best buddy Bob begging off from a project we had planned all week. Inside the house was Sheila. Sexy, bubbly Sheila from high school ready to throw every pot and pan in the kitchen at the love of her life. Is this what love becomes? I returned to the smoke-belching Chevy a little wiser.

How did carefree, party animal Bob get himself into this situation? Here--if ever there was one--was a storybook couple destined to live happily ever. I was best man at their wedding and two people never looked more hopeful about the future. And now it had come down to this. Petty bickering over something of infinitesimal importance. It strengthened my resolve even more to stay single.

Now I am the first to admit that the single life is not all it is cracked up to be either. On the worst days I dream of a helpmate. Someone to get me over the rough spots in my life. On days like today, I realize that marriage is not the answer. It only makes matters worse. So what if I hadn't been laid for months and had no immediate prospects. So what if I was sick of my own cooking and housekeeping. So what if things got a little lonely on weekends. My life had to be better than what Bob faced on a daily basis.

Got me to thinking...this situation with Bob and Sheila. Got me thinking about alternatives to marriage. There had to be something in-between what I had and what Bob was putting up with. Couldn't a guy just date and sleep around and enjoy the best of what life has to offer? Get laid regularly and have female companionship when it was desired. And be alone with your thoughts when that is what you wanted? Or was this just a guy fantasy not to be lived in the real world?

We all know someone who has the magic touch with women. It seems so easy for these guys to attract and hold women and yet they never get trapped in marriage. How do they do it? Is this is a talent you are born with, or can it be learned? To get my mind off the '67 and return some order to my psyche, I began pondering the possibilities.

MY BUDDY THOMAS

Thomas McAllister was a friend who always had a good looking woman on his arm. His relationships were seemingly ideal. Love 'em and leave 'em...when you were ready. No nagging wife, no sniveling kids. What life could and should be. Began thinking a lot about Tom and how he did it. Back in high school he was the scholarly type. A real bookworm. Didn't even have a date for the Senior Prom. Yet today he seemed to have it all: a great job, new wheels and a luxury condo on the lake. Best of all, I never saw Tom with an ugly woman. He always seemed to show up with a sweet young thing that couldn't keep her hands off him., What was his secret? Could it work for me? Maybe it was too late for Bob, but not for me.

When you take a closer look you realize that guys like Tom have no real magic, but they know things about women that few of us regular guys do. They understand women far better than the average schmuck and they use this to their advantage. As I began to observe Tom, his methods became clearer to me. They could work for me too...I just knew it!

I decided to take a long, hard look at Tom and try to find out why he was so successful with women while I was such a dismal failure. I believed that if I could duplicate his approach I could share in the goodies. I gave Tom and call and made a date for coffee. My mind was racing. Could Tom hold the key for me? I thought he did.

My plan was to associate with Tom and observe him. Maybe even talk to a few of his friends...both male and female. I would model Tom and share in his successes.

What follows is the result of my six months trailing after Tom. I analyzed him like I had never analyzed anyone before. Bottom line? Tom was doing things differently. Much differently. And that, dear reader, was the key to his success. Not magic. Not hypnosis. Not drugs. Just a philosophy and personality that attracted girls like a magnet. But I've made you wait long enough. Here, for your appraisal, is how to become a success with women. This is not idle theory. It is based on the results achieved by my buddy Tom.

THE GUY WHO LOVES WOMEN

The single most important thing I learned while modeling Tom as that he truly loves women. Unconditionally, and with all his heart. Now, this may seem obvious to you until you listen to your macho buddies for a few hours. Many, if not most, men have deep-seated resentments bordering on hatred when it comes to the opposite sex. Oh, sure, they function with their girlfriends and wives, but you can tell that they do not truly love women.

When Tom was talking to one of his female friends, his joy showed in his eyes. It showed in the complete 100% attention he paid to them when their were in his presence. Don't get me wrong. He wouldn't patronize them. This was a genuine interest, a genuine love. It was unmistakable. He made every women he came in contact with feel like she was the one! Like she was Princess Di. And, I am convinced, she was his princess. He focused all his attention and energy on the woman he was talking to at the moment.

There is a lot of talk today about how nice guys finish last. How it doesn't pay to be a nice guy to a woman. Women don't like men to be too easy. They don't want a wimpy guy to fawn over them and tell them how he can't live without them. A lot of us fall into this mode of behavior when we really like a girl. It is deadly with most women. Tom was always a little aloof, bordering on arrogant. Now, it may sound like this is incompatible with his genuine interest in and love for his women. Trust me. It is not. Once you can balance a genuine interest in and a genuine love for women with their need for you to be a challenge, a catch ...you will succeed.

DON'T BE TOO EASY!

Women are natural-born seducers. They love it! Don't cheat them out of practicing this fine art. Tom would move in close and then pull back slightly. His women never knew for sure that they had him. He never wasted time with them. He made meetings count. He made dates something special. He didn't hang on the phone for hours talking about nothing. Many of his women knew that he was seeing other girls, but it just made him more of a challenge, more in demand. No one wants what they can have easily. In short, he wasn't too Nice! they loved it! The more of a challenge he became, the more the girls came on strong. You've got to learn to pull back a bit, drop it down a notch. You will find the results truly amazing.

PLAY THE PERCENTAGES

Another thing I noticed while modeling Tom was that he got shot down a lot. He just played the percentages. I learned that even the best looking studs strike out more than they hit a homer. The more you try, the more success you will have. Tom would talk to every woman he came in contact with. In the supermarket, he would choose not the shortest checkout line, but the one with the best looking checker.

He accepted rejection impersonally and matter of fact. I asked him once if all that rejection didn't depress him and cause him to lose his focus. He said, "I never take rejection from a total stranger personally. How could I? She doesn't even know me! She has no idea what kind of a person I am or how much fun I can be." With that attitude, he always had the desire to try one more time. I venture to say that Tom's batting average was no better than average, but he tried so much more. All the time.

WIDEN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE

Start today by talking to every young woman you come in contact with. More than just a quiet hi. You'll be amazed how many new friends you will make. And some of those new friends will become lovers. If you play your hand correctly. Every contact you will make will give you more confidence. Every contact will make you smoother and more receptive to girls. Always be the first to speak and with a big genuine smile.

MEAN BUSINESS

If you are going to succeed in a big way with women you've got to mean business. What does that mean? It means that if your mother is on her deathbed and you have a choice of taking out a sweet young thing you just met or visiting good old mom, you will choose the date. Exaggeration? Slightly. But meaning business is a key component in succeeding with women. All women. When a woman shows interest in you...when she leaves herself open to be picked up, she puts a lot on the line. A lot more than you, Studly! Turn her down once she is turned on to you and you lose her forever. Mean business. Show her that you are a man. Never, never, leave her hanging...feeling foolish. If you are man enough to seek out and date young women, mean business. You won't regret it. If you are tentative in your approach to young women, you will surely fail

JUST FRIENDS

Throughout your adventures you will find many women who just want to be friends. This is the bane of many young men, but Tom always used it to his advantage. Rather than pine over lost love, he would keep these girls as real friends. Often he found that while they were not interested in him, they had girlfriends who might be. By widening his circle of acquaintences and friends he increased his percentage even more. Talk to older folks too. Most of them have grand-daughters who come to visit.

MONOGAMY LEADS TO MATRIMONY

How to you keep from falling in love and blowing everything? Tom always had three girls that he was actively dating. Maybe one was stronger than the other two, but there was always a backup. And when one moved on he still had two. And soon after that back to three. Monogamy leads to matrimony, the old philosopher said. Never, never, have only one woman in your life. The emotional crisis of a breakup is softened substantially when you have a beautiful young thing in the wings.

WHERE?

Are there some areas that are just better for a guy one the prowl? Probably. But Tom lives in Cleveland, Ohio, a typical midwestern town with working-class values and tons of beautiful women. If you live in California or Florida you might find the women a bit more adventuresome. After all, their parents had the guts to emigrate there. Both of these areas have much fewer native born residents than most. The children of adventuresome parents are usually more liberal themselves. Mid-sized and large towns are usually better than little villages where everyone has his/her nose in your business. But, bottom line, love is where you find it.

What I learned from Tom can be practiced almost anywhere. Just go about your daily business. If you are aware and prepared, you will notice many opportunities to start a great relationship. You will actually find it hard to avoid relationships. Just don't try too hard. Don't become preoccupied with picking someone up. Just let it happen. When a great situation arises, take a chance. Say Hi and extend your hand. If you get shot down, realize that you will fail more than you will succeed. Play the percentages. Rejection happens to all guys who are pro-active. Just keep trying. And remember, rejection won't kill you. It just stings the old ego a bit! You'll get over it if you have self confidence and a little arrogance. After even the most humiliating rejection, you can sit right down to a great steak dinner. Keep your perspective. Picking up girls isn't a life or death situation.

KEEP YOUR OWN COUNSEL

You've got to stop worrying about what other people think. Many of your friends and acquaintences will mock your efforts. Keep your own counsel. If you don't want to wind up like my buddy with the pre-menstrual wife and howling kids and you still want to get laid on a regular basis, this is the best approach. Society wants to see you married and tied down. You are going against the tide. Be prepared for some static.

LOOK GOOD

Lastly, try to look good. Dress For Success! Women love a well-dressed man. If you don't know how to dress, subscribe to GQ or Details and learn. Pick up a copy of Dress For Success by John Malloy. It isn't all that difficult to look your best. You don't have to be a fashion plate and blow your entire paycheck on custom made Italian suits. Find a look that works for you and dress appropriately. My rule-of-thumb is to always dress just a little better than the situation calls for. Don't forget to shave every day and keep your nails clean. You might just meet Miss Perfect on the way to the trash dumpster!

YOUR SMILE

If you have missing teeth or they are yellow and stained, it will work against you. See a dentist and get your mouth in shape. A great smile is a valuable asset. Cosmetic dentistry can help even the worst looking smiles.

CONCLUSIONS?

Sure, I've got a few. I've found that it is possible to substantially improve your score with the opposite sex. Studying someone who seems to have it all figured out is a good start. Tom McAllister was my model. You can learn from him. You can also seek out successful guys in your own circle of friends and model them. I believe you will find similar characteristics in any winner you study. Tom may have been doing it subconsciously, but he got results. And whether you do it consciously or subconsciously, results are what it is all about.

I'm doing much better with girls these days. And I'm getting better every day. Take my advice. Learn from my research and then find guys who have that magic touch. Model them, not your macho buddies. You'll have them beautiful women eating out of your hand. End of lesson.